Stuart recently shared some of his secrets for success with Deborah Bailey, a writer for the Secrets of Success: Women Entrepreneurs Radio Blog. This enlightening interview is excerpted below and you can read the whole interview here.
Deborah: What’s your book about?
Stuart: Getting More: How To Negotiate To Succeed in Work and Life shows that the conventional tools of negotiation, of dealing with others, don’t work very well: power, leverage, logic, win-win, threats, walking out, etc. Instead, finding and valuing the perceptions of the other party creates four times as much value – twice as many agreements, and each agreement is worth twice as much. Finding the pictures in their heads gives you a better starting point. Valuing the pictures in their heads gets others to more likely meet your goals. It is the opposite of the way most people deal with others today – from government to business to personal life.
Deborah: Who do you think will benefit from reading your book?
Stuart: Anyone who deals with other people: from country presidents to administrative assistants, women, men, children, workers, family members, shoppers, travelers, and so forth. The model comprises a different and better way of dealing with others. This month I am giving a keynote speech at the World Economic Forum in Korea on Women and Leadership: what makes great leaders.
Deborah: What do you feel makes your book different from others in your category?
Stuart: It deals with perceptions and emotions, first and foremost. Everything else is unimportant unless and until you make the human connection. Your logical arguments don’t matter. Your facts are irrelevant. Your “win-win” spreadsheets will fall on deaf ears. It is true whether it’s a world leader or my kid who wants an ice cream cone.
In addition to these collaborative tools, however, Getting More shows people how to deal with hard bargainers without getting stressed out. Simply find and use the other party’s own standards, their own criteria for making decisions – whether it’s a missed service appointment or how salary increases are distributed. People hate to contradict themselves. If you give people a choice between being consistent with their standards and contradicting their standards, people will most often be consistent. You must not make yourself the issue in doing this. You need to use tact and a nice tone. But it will make your world more fair to you.