Today, December 28, 2010, a new model of human interaction is being published. The 30,000 people I have taught in 45 countries over the past years know about this model. It has made them billions of dollars, solved the 2008 Hollywood Writers Strike, gotten multiple job offers after multiple rejections, obtained unheard-of discounts from stores and travel, improved their results in almost every interaction, and gotten their 4-year-olds to willingly brush their teeth and go to bed.
It is a process that says emotions and perceptions are more important than power and logic. It says that finding, valuing and addressing the pictures in the heads of the other party is more important than any collection of facts, evidence or resources that one can muster. As such, it is very different from what passes for negotiation in most of the world – the threats, the power plays, the walking out, the invoking alternatives (or “BATNA”), the win-wins, the leverages, the good cops & bad cops. What those things do is invoke resentment and retaliation, from terrorism to malicious obedience in the workplace to the kid who is kicking and screaming on the floor. What the new model does is get others to listen and be more persuadable.
The book appeared as #1 nationally on barnesandnoble.com yesterday, reflecting the interest of those who have taken the course in continuing to use these tools throughout their lives. Amazon called the book “outstanding”; yesterday it was ranked as #1 on three of Amazon’s business bestseller lists. The book is filled with the anecdotes of people who have done extraordinary things with the tools. For those who have taken the course, it contains everything in one place, and new material. For those who have not, it’s time to get more.
Here are the 12 invisible strategies:
1. It’s About Them.
2. Make Emotional Payments.
3. Goals Are Paramount.
4. Every Situation Is Different.
5. Incremental Is Best.
6. Trade Things You Value Unequally.
7. Find Their Standards.
8. Be Transparent and Constructive, Not Manipulative.
9. Always Communicate, State The Obvious, Frame the Vision.
10. Find the Real Problem and Make It an Opportunity.
11. Embrace Differences.
12. Prepare—Make A List and Practice With It.
It is not just the principles themselves that are important, but how you use them. Just the other day, a former student flew to Philly from Houston on Southwest Airlines. The plane was several hours late. The rest of the passengers grumbled at the airline personnel and got nothing. The former student commiserated with them and noted this wasn’t their fault. Upon leaving the plane, the airline personnel gave him a $600 refund. Knowing to do that, and being able to do that, is part of what is invisible to those who don’t have these tools.
Hundreds of years ago, Thomas Hobbes said that the state of nature is a state of war. It’s time, and it’s possible, to prove him wrong.